Gratitude a Stoic Way

In recovery we are often times told to write gratitude lists to remind ourselves of what we are grateful for in life. The Stoics had their own way of building gratitude in a deeply and profound way through the use of an exercise known as negative visualization. In this article I will discuss what is negative visualization and how it can be used to build a deep appreciation for the life you live.

Gratitude

Gratitude is important for any person to have, whether you suffer from addiction or not. The feeling of gratitude is how a person can learn to love the life that they have and appreciate all that they have got. For those of us in recovery, developing a feeling of gratitude is an essential part of the process. Many of us felt something was missing in life which often times drove us towards our addictions or we can find ourselves entering into recovery at a bottom where we lost so much it is hard to find things to be grateful for. But even if we are able to get our lives back in recovery, we must continue to seek gratefulness so we do not move toward a possible relapse.

One of the goals of stoicism is for a person to be able to live a good life no matter what the situation they find themselves. To find happiness and tranquility no matter what the living situation is, what job they may have (if you have one), and what possessions you may have. The idea is that anyone can be happy, fulfilled and living a good life. Therefore, gratefulness is a major focus for the philosophy of stoicism as well.

In recovery, we are told to write gratitude lists in order to find gratefulness in life. By writing these lists down and reading them over on a continuous basis we will develop a sense of gratitude for what we have. For the Stoics, they promoted a technique that is now called negative visualization or premeditatio malorum which is the premeditation of evils. The basic practice is for a person to think or meditate on worst-case scenarios that could happen in life. I know this might sound like someone having a pessimistic view of life but when it is done right it can create a sense of gratitude, ease anxiety and prepare a person for anything that might happen in life. In this article I will focus specifically on the gratitude aspect of it since as stated above this is a crucial part for recovery.

Negative Visualization

Hold death and exile and all that seems dreadful before your eyes every day, but most of all death: and you will never think of anything bad or desire anything too much.

Epictetus – Enchiridion – 21

Epictetus is describing the basics behind negative visualization in that a person should often times think about the bad things that could happen in life. For those of us in recovery, we have actually practiced this technique or have been told about something similar to it. When we are told to “play the tape forward” we are to imagine all the bad things that could happen in our lives if we try to drink or use again. By thinking of what could happen to our lives if we go back to our addictions we are picturing everything we will lose that we have gained in recovery and the destruction we will bring to our lives. Therefore, by visualizing something negative happening in our lives we bring something positive out of it by strengthening our sobriety. But what if we played the tape forward in all aspects of life other than just relating it to what would happen if we drank or used again, this is what the Stoics suggest for a person to do.

With regard to whatever objects either delight the mind, or contribute to use, or are tenderly beloved, remind yourself of what nature they are, beginning with the merest trifles: if you have a favorite cup, that it is but a cup of which you are fond, – for thus, if it is broken, you can bear it; if you embrace your child, or your wife, that you embrace a mortal, – and thus, if either of them dies, you can bear it.

Epictetus – Enchidrion – 3

In the above quote you can read how Epictetus draws out the concept of negative visualization even further. For anything in your life…what would you gain by imagining to lose it? What if you imagined losing the different things you have? What if you imagined losing the place where you live? What if you even imagined losing the ones who you love? If you would spend a little bit of time imagining losing these things, not just because you relapsed but because as the saying goes “shit happens”, wouldn’t you value them more? Wouldn’t you appreciate them more? Wouldn’t you no longer take things for granted? Negative visualization was not only a method to prepare a person to be ready for if these things actually happened but also to build a sense of deep gratitude for everything and everyone in a person’s life. Rather than simply listing what you are grateful for but gain that appreciation for having it for the moment by thinking about the possibility of losing it. Over time you will find that you want and be satisfied with what you have because you have taken time to think about if it was gone.

Examples of Negative Visualization

To give insight on how negative visualization can help create gratitude and deeper appreciation of what you have I will give a couple examples of how I have used it in my own life.

Currently, I am living at a men’s sober living in crowded Los Angeles. I basically have a small room without any windows that barely has any space for too many things. The sober living means I basically have around thirty men as my housemates and I have a set of rules and chores to fulfill. This is vastly different from the two story house that I was living in with my girlfriend in a beautiful mountain town just before my last relapse and hardest rock bottom. I do not have the financial means to be able to move out and being back in school I do not see that coming any time soon (plus California is just waaaaaaay to expensive to live in). I could be frustrated, anxious and depressed, wanting to have life back to the way it was and thinking of what I used to have. So then I do negative visualization. My room is decided by a house manager…he could move me out of the house (I am in the second best one out of three on the property). He could move me to a room with roommates so I wouldn’t have my own room. Shoot, I could relapse or something could happen that I could no longer live here. So yes I may not be in my two story mountain house, but I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, food as donations here, a room of my own, and in one of the better houses. By picturing losing what I have I am now completely content and happy with where I am. I am working towards moving out someday down the road but I am happy with where I am at till that comes and no longer frustrated over my living situation.

And yes you read correctly that Epictetus suggested that we even visualize losing our loved ones. Have you ever had someone pass away in your life unexpectedly and you wished that you had more time with them or regretted not making the most of the time you did? This is why he says to do this. This might seem difficult at first but it does reward. I do have a teenage daughter and yes I have practiced this negative visualization of picturing losing her. It has dramatically increased the quality of the time I spend with her. Where I might have spent time with her looking at my cell phone, trying to get school work done, talking to someone else or just some other activity that would have reduced my time actually interacting with her, I no longer do that. Even when we are driving in the car I am in constant conversation with her and have made it a rule that neither of us can be using cell phones. Negative visualization of loved ones gets rid of those thoughts of I can just contact them tomorrow or we can do this some other day. Negative visualization of loved ones says make the most of today with them because it could be the last and be grateful of having them around for this day. And if you live your life this way you may feel less regret over all the things you could have done or not spending enough time when their or your life comes to an end because you had been grateful of them every day until that point.

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